im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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