I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
