She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
