his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
