dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
