he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
