I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this boner is exhausting
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
