yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
