they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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