Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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