Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
