mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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