I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
