youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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