Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
