pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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