yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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