i think my mom watched the whole time
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
