The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
