Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
