i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
