Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
