My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
