By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
