Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
