About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
