Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
