Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
