Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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