Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
