butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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