I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
