You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
