Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
