i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
