I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
