just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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