Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize