Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
