she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You did what with his pubic hair?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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