Banned from zoo.
Again?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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