I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
