if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
pop tarts are not kleenex
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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