Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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