We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
