The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
