I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
