i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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