we're blogging at a bar
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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