Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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