I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
