I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
