took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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