i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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