sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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