Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
