i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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