Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
