I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
