you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
