I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
