the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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