she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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