Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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