WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
