i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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