I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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