mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
