why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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