I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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