i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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