oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
