I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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