i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
