guys are not supposed to queef...right?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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