you win again, gameday.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
