my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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