Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
